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Dead Beat Dad II

July 24th, 2008 at 03:15 pm

So I called my son's father and asked when he thought he'd have some money for us. He offered $50 and reminded me that he still needs $2,000 for the condo that he is buying with his settlement money. I'm filling out child support paperwork today. Although I have done child support enforcement before in the past, it has never been dependable. Whether because he's in and out of jail, no work. So in a way I feel it's a waste because I know he is such an unreliable, unstable person. But tomorrow is payday and I'm left with $78 till the next payday.
$520 for late car payment
$200 to debt collection agency
$40 School Pictures
$39 Football registration
$50 desperately trying to save for Xmas
but, I have ended up using this the last 3 weeks.
I also have a $144 energy bill that I need to pay off before August 23.
Actually my sister is paying for my son's football registration, but I bounced a check and need to make up the funds.
I just don't understand why my son's father won't pay for his child. He's seriously mental. I try to understand and sympathize his point of view, and I just continue to get manipulated. We were in a physically abusive relationship and I'm still struggling with the effects of abuse. So, off to therapy I go. I really want to start saving for Christmas, because its a time of year I can't afford to spend money I don't have. But its there and commercialized and I feel compelled to give.

13 Responses to “Dead Beat Dad II”

  1. JanH Says:

    I'm glad you are trying again to enforce the support. I sure hope it works for you this time. If he was abusive, it almost sounds like he is using this money situation to manipulate and abuse you still. Or, he just doesn't really care. I feel for you having to deal with him time and again. At Christmas this year, perhaps you can give things you have baked or made for people. Or draw names and give one gift in the family. We've gotten to where the siblings and inlaws give little gifts of less than $15 to each other. Makes for some creative gift giving! We have considered drawing names now that all our kids are around college age, and we all seem to have medical issues and expenses are making things tight. That way you can focus on Christmas for your son and give small gifts of remembrance to the others.

  2. merch Says:

    "needs $2,000 for the condo that he is buying with his settlement money"? Does this sound like he has his prioities in line?

    Sad, very sad. I read your blog and I don't feel you really want to to change the path you are on. I think you have to serious think about where you want to be in 5 years, and start making a plan to get there.

    For instance, in 5 years I want to start a real estate business. What do I need to do to get there? I need to educate my self on realestate (where to buy, what price, how do I measure sucess), I need to save money, I need to structure a company, etc.

    The point is I have a vision and a plan for that vision.

    I do wish you luck, but you need to focus and work hard to make that vision a reality.

  3. saj Says:

    Ok, I do have a vision. This spring I'm enrolling in college. I have around 60 credits, already, and need to take the pre-req's for a physician assistant, in order to apply for the PA program here. So, I'll be working full-time and taking a couple courses. I know that getting my college education is a priority for my son and I. I know what debts I need to pay off, and right now I am making big payments to one of those debts, taking a chunk out of my income. I just don't have the income to cover everything.

  4. merch Says:

    You have to prioritize your expenses - food, utilities, shelter, transportation, etc....

    And you start at the top of the list and go until the money runs out.

    With that said, a car payment of $520 on your salary is extremely high. You might think of selling the car and getting a cheaper one for a couple grand. This could free up for the income issue, give yuou enough traction to clean up some of the debt (not have to worry about Dad and his $50) and give you enough time to finish college and earn a higher wage.

    And every decision you make moves you closer to your vision of your future life or further away.

  5. saj Says:

    This weekend I drove an hour to a place called Carmaxx. They would give me $5,000 for my car, but I owe $8400. I know I need to get rid of the car and I tried. If I sell my car, I still need to pay off my loan. I agreed to pay $200 a month for a $2200 debt to avoid a garnishment, I have no way out with them now or they threaten to garnish my wages. So that puts a huge wedge in my rent, food, utilities, transpo, plan.

  6. miclason Says:

    Your son is 10, he's old enough to understand the situation you're in... You two need to be a team (I kwnow, it's a big responsibility for a 10 year old)...I asked the same thing from my then 3-year old when I was unemployed...he needs to stop asking for things unless they are necessary (it's difficult not to give in when they ask for things, and, if they ask for 10 things, we usually end up buying at least 3 of those 10!)...He also needs to decide on 1 gift, with a maximum cost of $X for Xmas...Your friends and family DO know you're a single mom now, they will understand if you tell them that, at least this year, you won't be giving presents...make cards instead...I'm sure the sentiment will be much more appreciated!
    Good luck! ((hugs))

  7. ceejay74 Says:

    I do see that you're working hard to fix your money problems. At the same time, it's hard for me to get a clear picture of your monthly bills, your monthly take-home pay amount, whether the latter is enough to cover the former, and how many bills you're late on or in collections with. If I'm having trouble seeing it, I wonder if you're having the same difficulty getting it all organized and figured out.
    If I were you, I'd (1) create a general spreadsheet that gathers all your regular predictable monthly bills, including the minimum amounts you think you need for groceries and household items. That's your total bills. Then figure out what your monthly take-home pay is. Subtract your total bills and see if you're breaking even. (2) If you're not breaking even, you need to either cut some bills (cancel TV? cut back phone?) or add income (2nd job? do you get big tax refunds & so could you reduce your withholding to get that money upfront instead of the govt. holding it?) (3) If you are breaking even, great! All you need to do is get current on the bills you're behind on. Figure out how much it would take to achieve that, and maybe borrow it from your sis (with a payment plan of however much you can afford without getting behind on your bills again--$50 per month or whatever--give her postdated checks that she just deposits every month, so you don't neglect to pay her back).
    Until you lay everything out in one big list, you won't know whether it's possible to straighten things out on your current income. If it isn't, you may need to postpone school and get a part-time job or something in order to get current. Once you start school you're not going to want this uncertainty and disorganization clouding your concentration.
    Hope this helps! Feel free to post your complete budget breakdown if you want help figuring out where to cut back or whether you have to.

  8. saj Says:

    Ceejay, I appreciate your help. I was working a 2nd job from last August until this May. I was waiting tables about 5 days a week. My son was with my parents and there were issues that arose from my absence. I quit and yes, I miss the money. But I need to care and be there for my son at the same time. It was a difficult time when I was working and I was literally worn down. I'll get you my income budget info. I'd love any ideas.

  9. merch Says:

    You could always list your car for $8,500 on craigslist. CarMaxx is giving you the price that will gaurantee a profit for them.

    If you tried to sell it retail to retail you might be able to get a couple grand over their offer. Just a thought.

    I think you are in the middle of the forest and just see trees and are having a hard time seeing the forest.

  10. Broken Arrow Says:

    Really sorry to hear that.

    I don't understand men like that either. I really don't, because I love my kids. They're the greatest thing to have happened to me.

    There's no need to try to sympathize and understand him, because his point of view is very simply wrong.

    In spite of that, I hope that you'll get your life in order and do well without him.

  11. momcents Says:

    My advice about the $40 school pictures: Skip them. Borrow the class picture the parent of a friend and scan/print someplace else. I have done that in the past when I didn't have money for three photo packages. And nothing beats your own pictures taken at home. Even Sears or Target or JC Penney's has a $9.99 package.

  12. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    Would these be the only photos you have of your son this year? There is nothing magical or official about school photos. Your money situation is dire, so I think you should see if you can cancel that order. Maybe you could borrow someone's digital camera to make some posed photos and print them out. You said on another day's blog entry that it was hard to afford adequate fruit and vegetables for your son, so maybe you could apply the $40 to that instead.

  13. saj Says:

    I called the school yesterday and the photo people were still there, but the order was put into their computer system and I couldn't just get my check back. I can get a refund when the pictures are out.

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