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Money from sis

July 22nd, 2008 at 05:50 pm

My sister is 6 years younger and a financially smart, business owner. Needless to say, she makes very good money. The usual stories about how am I going to make ends meet once again are familiar during our phone conversations, when I'm dwelling over my mounting debt and lack of funds. Last night she broke down crying over the fact that she made good money and her sister, mother, and step-dad, are always scraping by. She feels compelled to offer money. she feels guilty that she has the ability to afford above the needs in life, when I'm struggling to get by. She offered to pay my big debts so I could just be able to handle my monthly expenses and have a little more fun in life. I know I've made bad financial decisions and It's nobodys fault but mine and I accept that. I guess I'm a thorn in her side????

6 Responses to “Money from sis”

  1. momcents Says:

    If your sister can help you without harming herself, I would let her. I would write up a contract and pay her back even if it is a nominal sum each month as a good faith gesture. I would give her post-dated checks to coincide with your paydates. I am assuming that she has less finanical dependence than you do. I would also never let anyone cry over their success.

    My DH and I are in a financially sound position compared to my inlaws who are facing retirement with really not much saved and a modest pension/Soc Sec amount. They have suggested even in a joking way that we help them. We simply can't. We have five children to college educate and our own retirement. If we could help them, we would. I have helped my best friend by buying groceries. I offered to make one of my brother's mortgage payments. Simple things that would be considered "gifts" rather than loans.

    Talk to her. I wouldn't think you are a thorn. It sounds to me like you are making an honest effort and have a bum ex who isn't paying what he should.

  2. JanH Says:

    Maybe if you let her know that you don't want her to feel guilty, that you are proud of her success and her abilities, and that you just need someone who loves you to vent to every once in awhile. That you aren't calling to ask for money, but for her love, support, and perhaps some advice. Then, she can cheer on your successes and help pick you up when things get frustrating. Sounds like that is what you really want from her.

  3. merch Says:

    I would say "no thank you". And I have said this to my FIL. He has offered to help with medical expenses with my son. He has also offered to loan me the money. He is worth high 7 digits to low 8 digits and can easily afford $30k at the time.

    I looked at him and thanked him for the gesture. I did not accept the money. Why? Because it was my responsibility and it may mean some hardships, but me and my wife will take care of it.

    I believe your sister has good intention much like my FIL, but I never borrow money from family members. Just the way I live.

    Your situation may be hard, it may require serious sacrifice, but I believe you can get through it. At the end, you will be a strong person and, I believe, a better role model for your children.

    As an aside, I might feel anger if I gave someone money and I preceived they used it on "a little more fun".

  4. momcents Says:

    Merch, I think that you and Saj might be at different places in the financial journey. This is a single mom who has inconsistent support from her ex husband, is in a one bedroom apartment, and just thought about selling her car (reliable transportation). If you read her posts she has had $39 left over after paying bills and needs to feed her family. I agree that it might not have been in your best interest to get help from your FIL who could easily afford it, but sometimes some help gives breathing room to peoople who might be otherwise suffocating.

  5. monkeymama Says:

    Agreed with momcents.

    BUT I would only take the money if I knew I was ready to stand on my own two feet going forward. I could see giving a relative in your situation help to move forward. But being upset if she was unable to move forward, or needed help again.

    It may be an *easy* way out, but sometimes it is harder to accept help. Likewise, I think that kind of generosity would encourage you to help someone else down the road.

    I think it is certainly a lot to think about, but I wouldn't write it off point blank.

  6. debtfreeme Says:

    I know this is a time of struggle right now but there is so much you are learning and passing to your son. The important thing no matter what you decided to do with your sister and her offer (and i agree with momcents that you should take what you need to get on your feet and stay there then pay back something every month as per a written agreement) you are coming out a stronger person on the other side.

    WE will offer as much support, ideas, encouragement and thoughts as you need. And I think filing for the child support is a wonderful thing.

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